Xander Harris

What are you lookin’ at. I know what I’m doin’.

Now they retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being Masters of the Universe

What is your cargo and destination?

For the first time ever, the original movie is now available digitally to buy. With a 4K incoming, the universe is repairing itself. For whatever reason, Masters was one of the few movies unavailable to buy digitally along with Psycho IV and The ‘Burbs, coincidentally all movies I enjoy. What the hell is this? Who decides these things? Here’s my Dolph doll from the set released several years back that was based on the movie Concept Art as if they couldn’t get the actual rights to the screen used imagery at the time. Dolph doesn’t allow his likeness rights but this still sort of looks like him, unlike the next version they did.

Yes, Universal Studios Florida should never have closed the Jaws ride. What are you gonna do. This Buffy booze is certainly my vice. I did quit smoking again!

It looks good. I’m waiting for the home video. I do resent that they went all in on the merchandising and made dolls of everyone, and it flopped. The original movie also flopped but I had to wait my literal entire lifetime for dolls of Skeletor and Evil-Lyn from that movie. The thing was based on toys and they released barely any toys. This new one, though? Here are dolls of everyone before the movie even comes out.

Whiskey?

So apparently there are IMAX theaters sort of around here and they’re showing the movie on Thursday, and I don’t know if I should see it. I don’t really like going to the theater itself anymore, and I’d be going alone which is bizarre and humiliating.

Horror movies have become the most dependable genre at The Box Office. So where’s the Star Wars horror movie? Sure, they’ve all been horrors for years now, but I mean literally. Some sort of dark and disturbing psychosexual nightmare thriller with intense jump scares. Maybe they could go back to the original trilogy timeline itself and explore the weeks of humiliation and anguish endured by Leia when she was enslaved by Jabba, and cast Sydney Sweeney.

But better than both, obviously

It’s sort of like Lord of the Rings with Ewoks

Does Galaxy’s Edge really appeal to The Next Generation? I have a theory those movies aren’t even really popular with younger people. They were made by aging Gen Xers for their generation, the ones who resent George Lucas and claim their childhood was raped. Regardless, what’s the appeal of a barren canyon without any actual wars or aliens? Sorry, this is the one city in the SW universe where you only see fat tourists and Theme Park Influencers walking around the Millennium Falcon.

Anyone else 40? Shit. It’s about the end.